Why Failing To Address Conflict Costs Your Company - And What To Do About It

In a world of toxic positivity, we are all too often encouraged to put a rosy sheen of optimism on challenging situations and emotions. This can result in avoiding conflict at work. In my experience, few people like to
“rock the boat.”
Yet, the evidence shows that avoiding conflict can be incredibly costly for employers.

One U.K. study found workplace conflict costs U.K. employers 
£28.5 billion a year
, and the impact of remote working is making conflict easier to brush under the carpet. As a result of conflict, many employees resign, become disengaged, and/or experience stress, anxiety or depression. The cost alone of recruiting replacement employees amounts to roughly £2.6 billion a year, the report also said.

So, failing to address conflict can be detrimental to business, but what should you do to deal with it? The answer is to confront it head-on. To do this, dissect the conflict you are facing and take a more scientific approach to understand it.

According to Amy Gallo, who wrote the 
Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing with Conflict
, there are four types of work conflict:

1. Task conflict:
 This type of conflict is when you disagree over the task that needs to be completed. For instance, if different departments have contrasting agendas and priorities regarding a project, it would be a task conflict.

2. Process conflict:
 This is when you disagree over how to do a task rather than what needs to be done, so it’s a question of approach.

3. Status conflict:
 This type of conflict arises when you disagree about who’s in charge because it’s not clear from the structure or you simply have a difference of opinion.

4. Relationship conflict:
 This type of conflict can feel personal (e.g., someone raises their voice and you feel disrespected). This is not to be confused with
“person conflict,”
which refers to when somebody’s personal traits irritate you.

Examining the type of conflict you are up against is key to its resolution, as different types of conflict need to be approached differently. Based on my 25 years of experience working with companies, here are my tips for addressing these four types of conflict:

Task And Process Conflict

If you have identified that the conflict is either task- or process-related, one approach that I've found works is to start by identifying your common ground. You might say:
“What we both agree on is the vision of our project. (State the vision.) But what we don’t agree on is what needs to be done/how to proceed, and that’s what we need to focus on in this meeting.”
Task and process conflicts are often the easiest to address once you’ve identified them.

Status Conflict

Status conflict is trickier, as that is about clarity of leadership and sometimes might involve a power play. In my experience, successful strategies to deal with this sort of conflict require clear recognition of the other party’s position, maybe even a hefty dose of flattery, and for you to cede some ground in order to reassert their sense of status. You might say,
“I really respect what you bring to this project, and I feel lucky to be working with you,”
or
“I’d like to lead on these three areas. Would you be comfortable leading on these other issues?”

Relationship Conflict

The hardest conflict of all is relationship conflict, but no one ever said relationships are easy. I've found that many people often think they are facing a relationship conflict when what is actually the issue is less who they are on a personal level and more their approach or process. What is important here is to delve deep inside yourself and ask,
“Why am I having such an adverse reaction to this person? Is it something about them, or is it really more about me?”

For this type of conflict, I suggest taking a direct approach. For example, you might tell the other person,
“I’m sensing there’s friction between us, but I want to make this work. Can we meet to explore why we’re not connecting on a personal level?”
The key thing here is to structure the meeting so each person gets to say what they think isn’t working and why. Try to use reflective listening, which means constantly summarizing what the other person has said, to ensure they feel heard. And as tempting as it might be, do your utmost not to interrupt.

Finally, keep in mind that when addressing any type of conflict, you shouldn't wait too long. The sooner you can address it, the more likely you are to resolve it before resentment and established behaviors set in. The key is to avoid making assumptions about the other person or what they think. I've found that much of conflict is based on a lack of understanding and assumptions, and sometimes asking the most basic questions and challenging your own assumptions can lead to a much better outcome.

By dissecting conflict into one of the four areas, you will have much greater success in finding a resolution, as each type of conflict calls for a different approach. And the next time someone advises you to
“stay positive, avoid confrontation and just keep smiling,”
tell them you intend to do the reverse and meet the issue head-on. Not only could you save yourself lots of distress, but you might also save the business money, too.

First published in Forbes.